"He did." Even Steve can say that even though it feels like a punch to the gut. He nods sadly. "It wasn't his choice, but he did."
There's only so often that Steve can tell himself none of it is Bucky's fault. It isn't because Hydra fucked around with his mind. He's seen the videos and read the files. Half of it is so brutal he can't read it without feeling sick and tearing up. The other half is too scientific for him to really wrap his mind around. Bucky was used as a weapon and had no choice.
But he still did it. He still did it and that is knowledge they all have to live with. His heart hurts for Tony. His heart hurts for Bucky. How the fuck is he supposed to fix this? How can he make this right for both of them?
Before he can get lost in those thoughts and the guilt building and building on his shoulders dragging them down Tony takes a few hesitant steps towards him. Steve feels hope twisted bitter and bright in his chest. Tony coming towards him. Tony choosing him, even in such a small way breathes a painful life back into him.
He stands and steps closer again. He reaches, fully expecting to be pushed away but hoping, hoping so hard it hurts, and tries to settle his hand on Tony's hip. If they can bridge this gap, if they can grieve with each other instead of lashing out maybe they can fix this. They've always done better when they're working together instead of against each other. No one fits him the way Tony does. He needs him and he desperately wants to be there for Tony who's life is getting ripped apart. Again. And it's his fault.
"I don't have a direct line to Fury." Steve drags his tongue across his lower lip, studying Tony. "But I bet Natasha can get us one. Maybe Hill."
Who they're still working closely with. She's the government's liaison with the Avengers. She worked closely with Fury. Fury's not dead, just dark, but if there's someone who knows where he is it'll be Hill. If Hill doesn't know, then Nat can find him. Nat's the best.
"We can also look through every Nat dumped from SHIELD. There's gotta be more in there." Steve's words are deliberate. Us. We. The two of them. Together. They can do this together if Tony just gives them a chance to try. "You're right. He was doing something for SHIELD and they would've investigated. That investigation is somewhere in their files."
Hopefully digitized. If it's paper somewhere that's going to be a hell of a lot harder to find. They can do that together too. Steve's got a shred of hope. He's stitched himself back together with less. If Tony just keeps giving him a little hope, he can make this right for them both.
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There's only so often that Steve can tell himself none of it is Bucky's fault. It isn't because Hydra fucked around with his mind. He's seen the videos and read the files. Half of it is so brutal he can't read it without feeling sick and tearing up. The other half is too scientific for him to really wrap his mind around. Bucky was used as a weapon and had no choice.
But he still did it. He still did it and that is knowledge they all have to live with. His heart hurts for Tony. His heart hurts for Bucky. How the fuck is he supposed to fix this? How can he make this right for both of them?
Before he can get lost in those thoughts and the guilt building and building on his shoulders dragging them down Tony takes a few hesitant steps towards him. Steve feels hope twisted bitter and bright in his chest. Tony coming towards him. Tony choosing him, even in such a small way breathes a painful life back into him.
He stands and steps closer again. He reaches, fully expecting to be pushed away but hoping, hoping so hard it hurts, and tries to settle his hand on Tony's hip. If they can bridge this gap, if they can grieve with each other instead of lashing out maybe they can fix this. They've always done better when they're working together instead of against each other. No one fits him the way Tony does. He needs him and he desperately wants to be there for Tony who's life is getting ripped apart. Again. And it's his fault.
"I don't have a direct line to Fury." Steve drags his tongue across his lower lip, studying Tony. "But I bet Natasha can get us one. Maybe Hill."
Who they're still working closely with. She's the government's liaison with the Avengers. She worked closely with Fury. Fury's not dead, just dark, but if there's someone who knows where he is it'll be Hill. If Hill doesn't know, then Nat can find him. Nat's the best.
"We can also look through every Nat dumped from SHIELD. There's gotta be more in there." Steve's words are deliberate. Us. We. The two of them. Together. They can do this together if Tony just gives them a chance to try. "You're right. He was doing something for SHIELD and they would've investigated. That investigation is somewhere in their files."
Hopefully digitized. If it's paper somewhere that's going to be a hell of a lot harder to find. They can do that together too. Steve's got a shred of hope. He's stitched himself back together with less. If Tony just keeps giving him a little hope, he can make this right for them both.