Sometimes, Steve's not so sure that Howard liked him. It's more than he liked the science that was flowing through Steve's veins. Right now is not the time to argue that with Tony. His lover is struggling with so much right now. They don't need to have that fight right now. It's one they might have had before over their long relationship. Probably before they were friends. Before all of this. Howard's a hard subject for both of them.
"There's always going to be a path that leads to Bucky," Steve says firmly. They can't dance around that fact. He can't dance around that fact. As desperate as he is to find and protect his best friend this isn't the time to tell Tony and himself justifications and placations. "Because he's involved. But..."
Steve lets out a big breath. "Tony, I'm trusting you, you know that right? I didn't hide Bucky's involvement because I trust you with that information. That doesn't mean I'm not scared."
Of course he was scared. Just because he had super strength and stamina and everything else the serum gave him he got scared. It didn't make him immune to fear. He could lose the people he cared about most in the world. He could lose his brother. He could lose his lover. Everything he built that meant the world to him could fall apart. Of course he's fucking scared.
"I want to see this through too. I want to follow that path with you. I know where it might lead. I know what... what might happen. But I'm hoping that as we look we'll find more of the people responsible. The people at the top who ordered this, not the weapon they used to do it, you'll find what you're looking for. And maybe it won't come down to what we're both afraid of."
Steve has to believe that Tony will see Bucky as a victim even though yes, he's responsible. Maybe there can be some justice for Howard and Maria and some peace for Tony as well.
"I'm not denying it, okay?" He searches Tony's face, tries to see past the walls he's put up to protect himself. "I know what the outcome might be."
Because Steve's a master tactician. He can see where this might go. The choice he'll have to make and it scares him too. Tony or Bucky. The man he loves and wants a life with and his oldest friend, his brother. How the hell does he choose between the two? Is there a middle ground where he doesn't have to choose but can have both?
"But I think we're stronger than that. I trust we are." Steve knows the love and faith he feels is right there in his voice and expression. He still feels that. Tony hasn't lost his heart.
no subject
"There's always going to be a path that leads to Bucky," Steve says firmly. They can't dance around that fact. He can't dance around that fact. As desperate as he is to find and protect his best friend this isn't the time to tell Tony and himself justifications and placations. "Because he's involved. But..."
Steve lets out a big breath. "Tony, I'm trusting you, you know that right? I didn't hide Bucky's involvement because I trust you with that information. That doesn't mean I'm not scared."
Of course he was scared. Just because he had super strength and stamina and everything else the serum gave him he got scared. It didn't make him immune to fear. He could lose the people he cared about most in the world. He could lose his brother. He could lose his lover. Everything he built that meant the world to him could fall apart. Of course he's fucking scared.
"I want to see this through too. I want to follow that path with you. I know where it might lead. I know what... what might happen. But I'm hoping that as we look we'll find more of the people responsible. The people at the top who ordered this, not the weapon they used to do it, you'll find what you're looking for. And maybe it won't come down to what we're both afraid of."
Steve has to believe that Tony will see Bucky as a victim even though yes, he's responsible. Maybe there can be some justice for Howard and Maria and some peace for Tony as well.
"I'm not denying it, okay?" He searches Tony's face, tries to see past the walls he's put up to protect himself. "I know what the outcome might be."
Because Steve's a master tactician. He can see where this might go. The choice he'll have to make and it scares him too. Tony or Bucky. The man he loves and wants a life with and his oldest friend, his brother. How the hell does he choose between the two? Is there a middle ground where he doesn't have to choose but can have both?
"But I think we're stronger than that. I trust we are." Steve knows the love and faith he feels is right there in his voice and expression. He still feels that. Tony hasn't lost his heart.